Showing posts with label Day-by-Day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Day-by-Day. Show all posts

Sunday, October 9, 2022

Mushroom hunters

foraging mushrooms with my dad in Jhumlawang

It was a good day. Sun and cloud were playing hide and seek creating a komorebi (sunbeam)effect in the forest near Syaubaari, Jhumlawang, where my dad and I were looking for edible wild mushrooms. It had rained the night before, so the ground was damp and squishy, giving leeches a chance to try to climb up my gumboots and onto my legs. 

But I was not concerned. I had put on thick, long socks. The squelching earth under my feet felt soft as I took a deep breath of air that smelled of woods and decaying leaves. Then I noticed an unusual-looking mushroom in the distance. I walked towards it quickly and crouched next to the big decaying log on which it was growing. Hidden behind the inner parts of the log’s bark was a bunch of whitish-colored mushrooms with branches that had blunt roundish tips. I realised I had never seen such a mushroom before. I wondered if it was edible. “Should I pick it or not?” I bent down looking closer. “What if it is poisonous?” I thought.

‘Baba!’ ‘Babaaa!’ ‘Babaaaaa ooooooo!’

I called for my dad, louder each time because the nearby Tumbasha rivulet had swelled up and was making too much noise for us to hear each other. He had gone a little further into the forest, where he used to look in previous years, to check other logs for horma (oyster) mushrooms.

“Is it edible?” I asked as I pointed at the mushroom.  He crouched next to me, checked it, and smiled.

“You have found the perfect mushroom!” he said proudly, “It is a coveted one.”

My feelings of doubt and confusion were replaced with happiness when I saw how delighted and proud he was of my find. All morning we had not found enough mushrooms to have as a tarkari (curry) for our dinner. 

“We call it musakane (mouse-ear),” he laughed.  

He showed me the blunt looking tips of the bunch which were shaped like the ears of mouse. “Do you see the similarities?” he asked.

I nodded happily. The similarities made me laugh. A warm feeling rose inside me, and we stood together. “I wonder what it tastes like?” I asked quickly. 

“It is slightly crunchy and tastes divine with chillies, onions, garlic and tomato”, he explained while my mouth watered thinking about the delicacy we were going to have for dinner. “Mmmmm, adding ‘timmur (sichuan pepper) is a must!” my father continued as he licked his lips.

My dad asked me to check the log for more musakane mushrooms. He explained that they are usually found in abundance. I walked round the log, crouched on my knees, and checked underneath it and lo and behold! There were more! 

I was so excited!

“Just find the root of the bunch and give a gentle tug,” my dad advised when he saw me struggle to pick them up. As we picked one bunch after the other, our bag was also getting full. I was about to pick the last one when he stopped me.

“Let’s leave this one,” he said, smiling. “We need something for next year too, don’t we?”

I was happy to do so. If it was like a ‘seed’ for next year, then that was good. But if someone else came foraging and found it, then they would also get some musakane mushrooms like us for their dinner. 

When we returned home that day, I was extremely pleased with myself for finding a full bag of mushrooms and a new species at that. But this was not an unusual feeling. With each visit to the forest with my dad, I had always learnt something different about mushrooms. He would take me to the forest areas where varieties of mushrooms could be found and in great detail, he would describe the type of trees and logs which would have a particular type of mushroom and in which month of the year they flourished. He taught me how to distinguish between the mushrooms which were edible, and which were not. He was also cautious when it came to certain mushrooms and insisted that I not touch the ones which were poisonous. He would go into great lengths to explain how to recognise them, to look for subtle differences in colour and shape and distinctive markings. I always felt safe with him around.

As we walked together, each with our hand woven bags and walking sticks, he would tell me stories of how he learnt to recognise edible and non-edible mushrooms from his parents, his shepherd uncles, or his cow-herder cousins. He would show me the mushrooms and tell me about their nutritional and medicinal values, and how we could make them tastier for our tastebuds.

“To find mushrooms, you must be familiar with forest, trees and know your logs,” he would repeat on each visit we took. I enjoyed these moments immensely with him. So, I grew up eagerly waiting for mushroom season, for my mushroom hunting walks with him in the nearby forest and stories of mushrooms that followed.  

Therefore, on the day I found musakane in August 2019, it was like reliving my childhood with my dad. After decades of separation, we were connecting again over wild mushroom foraging. 


As a young girl, I had been sent to Kathmandu from Jhumlawang, Rukum when the Maoist insurgency began in the country, to continue my further education. With the ongoing civil war and no other means of connection except unreliable postal system, the learning about mushrooms stopped. When I was finally able to return to my village during a cease-fire, nine years had already passed. And it was not the mushroom season. To my disappointment, the other few visits I could make in the following years were in different seasons too. 

However, in this gap, I had a profound realisation. While I was studying in Durham, England I used to take long walks in the woods behind the Durham University looking for familiar herbs, flowers and fruits, trees and bushes, landscape, and mushrooms. And when I found the mushrooms, the thrill and comfort I felt made my homesickness a little less and breathing a little easier. I realised that finding mushrooms was like connecting with my dad, my village, my roots. No matter which part of the world I was in, the physical distance no longer mattered. When I saw the mushrooms I would be happy because it brought back memories of me walking with him in the forest, foraging mushrooms, bonding over mushrooms, learning about mushrooms, and listening to stories about people and mushrooms of Jhumlawang.

But I could never dare to touch the mushrooms found in the forests of Europe. Even when they looked so very similar to the ones found in Jhumlawang, I never had the confidence to give a gentle tug and pick them up for dinner. I could only look, take pictures, and experience the happiness of my find. There was no one to pat me on the back and look at me with pride and smiling eyes for my discovery. No one to stand next to me to tell me which months of the year, which trees and which logs held the most delicious mushrooms on this side of the world. In fact, to my utter disbelief, I came to learn that in many countries foraging mushrooms was highly discouraged and in some it was illegal. So, while finding mushrooms in a foreign land took me to my happy childhood of foraging with my dad in Jhumlawang and gave me a sense of being closer to the home, it also made me feel not quite at home. 


Having spent too long feeling not quite at home, to my delight, I was able to return to Jhumlawang in March 2021 for a longer stay. It was a just few weeks before the six-month-long wild mushroom season was to begin. Right after the dry spell of winter when people of Jhumlawang struggle to find vegetables for curry, the mushroom season is welcomed with excitement and relief. Then the forest comes alive with different types of mushrooms throughout the season, as if it is taking turns to feed the locals one after another, as if it is ensuring they recover from the dry spell of the winter. So, children and adults alike make plans for foraging tours. They go alone or in groups as soon as it rains for a few days in May and the forest is alive with not only the chirping of birds but also their giggles, sounds of calling each other and singing. A sudden rendezvous can happen amongst friends and checking each other’s bags to see what was found, then exchanging and sharing of mushrooms to ensure that all will get to eat enough is a common occurrence. Once they return from the foraging, mushrooms and other wild vegetables are also gifted to the elderly or the ones who no longer manage to go foraging. 

Not to miss this chance, my dad, now older, slower, and weaker than I remembered he used to be, excitedly planned for our mushroom foraging walks. 

“What is there for my vegetarian daughter to eat but mushrooms!” he laughed and insisted on going foraging. I was concerned for him as he was not well, and COVID -19 cases were on the rise. But he was adamant about it. So, one fine day, we strolled off into the forest, our bags over our shoulders, our pointed walking sticks prodding the earth as we checked every log. He walked in front as he always did, looking for the logs he knew that used to have mushrooms. Many of the logs were no longer there.

“The ones I knew have long decayed away” he sighed during our search and then he philosophically added, “Reminds one of own decaying away, doesn’t it?” 

I smiled at him, trying to reassure him, but feeling like a giant against his now smaller frame.

Even after half a day of searching, we could not find enough mushrooms to even fill the pot for the day’s dinner. My father could see my frustration and disappointment. 

“The eight-months’ long drought of last year must be the reason that there are not many mushrooms this season,” he spoke softly, summarising our frustration. But we did not give up hope of finding more. We walked further to the log where we had found musakane two years back. But to our disappointment, there was no musakane nor other types of mushrooms either. The log had almost decayed away too.

“Don’t you worry,” he consoled me, “We will find something.” True to his prediction we found
some mauripane mushrooms on our way back. Mauripane is popular amongst locals with its woody flavour and is generally cooked with chillies, potatoes, garlic, tomato, and Sichuan pepper. I had easily recognized it on the bark of a rayesh tree as I had been introduced to it by him during one of our foraging walks in my childhood. I raised my head and looked at him for confirmation and there it was: a smile and pride at my find.
 


[This story was written during the Writeshop ''Learn to write your own Agroecology Stories of Change'' held in June 2021 and organized by Barefoot Guide Connection, Agroecology Knowledge Hub and Family Farming Knowledge Platform. It is published at: https://www.fao.org/family-farming/detail/en/c/1600658/]

Monday, July 15, 2019

फाल्चा (पाटी)



I.
back in days,
Revolutions were born -  here!
like caterpillars, like butterflies
they crawled, they flew
from pati to kitchen
from guthi to the nation.



II.
“We are the witness!”



III.
And,
I am the witness.
I knew The People.
they whispered me their plans, their strategies
before they marched
to the gates of a man claiming to be God.
(to make him a commoner)

in other days,
I have heard their sighs,
and soaked their tears.
I have felt their hopes, 
and tasted their victories.  

I have nurtured
innocence of children
bravery of youth
and wisdom of the elderly.
I know.
‘the child is the father of the man’



IV.
Yes!
“I don’t like going to other places.
I like it – here -
I am happier.”
This is my second childhood.
as they say,
 'a man becomes a child - twice’.






V.
in these days,
more than familiar ones I see new faces.
this crowd carries
different languages, different smells and different tastes.
however,   
each aftershock seems to bring us closer.
as it loosens my grip to the core
they bring ‘teka’ to support
and I offer my corners for shelter.

I know
in these days,
revolutions happen through a screen.
but please
before you leave
do not forget to tell the tales,
back in days,
‘I was not just a heritage’
I was where Revolutions were born.

I am where Revolutions are born!


[I wrote this picture poem for an exhibition 'Mero Chowk' organised by Ka Baata in 2016. I don't remember the photographer's name. Will update once I find out.]


Saturday, July 16, 2016

Shadow and the Sun.


                                                                                PC: Gary Wornell

Tell me a story.

my dear shadow

Do you crave

for the sun

As much as I do for her?

And, when you do

do you know

Exactly,

how to print

the shape, the size

and the colour of your heart?

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Let There Be Books!


This year, I wish it to be a year of book - meaning - a year of learning, a year of reading and a year of feeling good.
For that, I hope the bookshops will open even during Saturdays, even during public holidays. And soon, a bookshop which opens 24 hours.

Amen!

Also, this year will be about libraries. Different types of libraries. I will make a map of these libraries. And keep them closer to my heart.
These libraries could be personal, these libraries could be private. But, I will make it a habit of visiting them and keep a journal on them.

Amen!

More to it, I will join the Reading Groups, if there are any. If not, I will form a group where we discuss about books and more books.

Amen!

Saturday, November 14, 2015

to the soldier. (II)


the sweaty warmth
on my naked back
wakes me up
satisfied but thirsty.
He has covered me like a blanket.
legs intertwined with mine
He has fixed himself as a question mark,
Exerting his muscles
Covering my edges
and spaces
Filling my depths 
and gorges.
His left hand holds me to his chest
as gentle as water bubble
cupping my breast.
But
The right hand fingers 
that 
traced the tip of my hair
to the tip of my toe nail
waking me to multiple wants
and desires
are now
balled up in a fist.
as if he is ready
(like a lion of Sahara)
To spring at any moment.
is it the sands our legs carried
that are spread like grains
on the creased and crinkled 
white canvas we are painted on
that puts him on guard?
Reminding him.
of the far far land
of sun and sand
of blood and sweat
of bomb and bullet.
I turn and face him.
I trace his scars and cuts.
they are everywhere.
on his lips.
on his chest.
on his feet.
I kiss each of them.
He sighs and smiles in his sleep
He turns and twists
fixes himself like a blanket over me.
Again.

But, his fingers don't relax.
As always.
He sleeps fitfully.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

SEMICOLON



मृत्यु


के रे ?
म नै तिमी कहाँ आउनु पर्ने ?
तिमी म कहाँ आउँन मिल्दैन ?
यहाँ जीवन छ ।
यहाँ राती आकाशमा ताराहरु चम्किन्छन् ।

हँ ... म डरपोख रे ?
होइन ।
तिमीलाई झै उसले मलाई मन्त्रमुग्ध तुल्याउँछ ।
उसको रहस्यताले मलाई पनि लोभ्याउँछ ।
त्यसैले मलाई नाङ्गो तार छोऊँ–छोऊँ लाग्छ
छुरीले नसा रेटूँ– रेटूँ झै लाग्छ ।

एकपटक,
उसको पच्छौरीमा लुक्न छोजेकी थिएँ ।
आँखा चिम्लिसकेकी
हच्किएछु,
ब्युझिए ।
त्यहाँको चिसोपन मलाई मन परेन ।

अहँ ... अस्वीकारेको होइन ।
अन्तिम घडीलाई म स्वीकार्छु ।
तर अहिले म तयार छैन,
मलाई हिउँदको रापिलो घाम अझै पुगेको छैन 
आमाको काख अझै प्यारो लाग्छ
मलाई समुन्द्रका छाल हेर्नुछ ।
तिमीले त्यागेका हरेक पल जिउनु छ ।

अँ...हो ।
उसले मलाई अझै लोभ्याउँछ ।
कुनै समय नाङ्गा तार छुन नहिच्किचाएछु भने,
तिम्रो र मेरो भेट समयभन्दा पहिले हुनसक्छ ।।।

Friday, September 4, 2015

The FIRST.

‘the details’
do not ask me
my dear.

I did not feel
The breeze playing with my curls
Nor saw forming of komorebi on it.

I did not hear
Chaiwala filtering tea,
thak…thak…thak
just by the corner.
Nor smelt boiling of fresh milk coffee.

The barking of dogs
The tringgg…tringgg…tringgg
Of cycles passing by
Or, the screeching of wheels
Stopping by.

The knocking of heat waves
like a persistent little brother
peeking in my room.
The rolling of sweat drops
on my cleavage.

the stickiness
the saltiness

I did not feel.
Nor see.
Nor hear.

My dear,
I became
a deaf
a blind

to the world outside our periphery.

My eyes
were only touching your lips.
My hands
were busy picking up the words.
scared.
that they will scatter in the air
before reaching my ear.

My skin
rejoiced the caress
of your beautiful mind
and heart.

And,
It was first.
I lived that moment.

I was alive.


Friday, August 21, 2015

GOD and TIME

“I had only a little time left and I didn’t want to waste it on God.”
 Albert Camus

This quote was shared in twitter. It got me thinking.

I am not a religious person. I guess, declaring myself as a non-religious person has more to do with all the violence being done in the name of it. Could be a very surficial understanding but I am unable to go beyond that, as of yet.

Not being religious does not mean I am an atheist. I was raised to believe that there is some supernatural power beyond our realm. It is unfortunate that I have not been able to come out of that belief. I am ‘critical’ of it, here and there, but not trustworthy to call myself as a strong rationalist or ‘science person’.

There are possibilities of me being religious or an atheist, in the future. You never know. So, I am keeping my options open.

But, do I have enough time for this? Let’s say I have the life expectancy of 70. I am going to be 30 soon. So, when I turn these supposed years and passed years into days (25,550 – 10,950) the remaining days I have is 14,600. To make it closer for understanding; let’s convert these days into time which gives me 350,400 hours in total. Now, I sleep average of 7 hours a day which leaves me with lesser time - 248,200 hours. Doing daily humanly necessity stuffs will take at least 20% of it. That means I will have round about 200,000 hours. That is too less for all the things I want to do in my life.

I have to read THE books, read and re-read and re-re-read! Then, keep them in my personal library, safe from dust and insects. Share, if anyone would like to have a look or digest every words that is there to. Talk about all the highs and lows of the books with them. Get drunk on all the knowledge there is to.

I have to write about anything and everything. I have to write something on loving and being loved. I have to write on the sweaty romance, clumsy romance and gutsy romance. I have to write on loss, loneliness and sadness. The bravery, the courage and hope of the human hearts. And then, smell the piles and piles of freshly printed papers already piled on top of the yellowed ones with their own stories to tell.

I want to feel the heart beat fast when meeting the great, inspiring minds. 

I am yet to feel the urgency of pining for oxygen in my body while climbing mountains. I want to know the feeling of drinking deep dark coffee with chocolate while on top of that mountain.

I have to introduce myself to all the woods, by woods, I mean trees. Definitely trees!* I want to know their secret of life-cycle. 

I have to eat the foods that I farmed. The organic one!

I want to record the sounds of wind from all around the world and the space. I want to cross the purgatory and see the heaven, alive. I want to touch the sky, have long conversations with stars and date with moon, every night.

Most of all, I have to master the shamanism and bring peace to the world!

And, this is just the beginning. I have so many desires, aspirations and ambitions to fulfil in my life. How can mere 200,000 hours be enough? Seriously, when I have so short life with so much things that are yet to be done, whatever made you think I would waste it on God? Especially when everyone seems to be fighting over whose ‘imaginary friend’** is better than others.

NOTES
1.       * Taylor Mali
2.       ** Yashir Araphat


Wednesday, August 19, 2015

MIZPAH


This Hebrew word is a noun. It means ‘the deep emotional relationship between people, especially those separated by distance or death’.

When I found this word, today, I was finally able to express my thoughts of how I see relationships in a word. Definitely, it made me really happy.

I love learning. Anything. Tiny things. Infinite things. Everything. So, I always look for new words to learn. It is not every day that I come across the word which takes hold of my heart. Hence, when I found Mizpah in a Facebook, the day became special. Because, the word made me think. And, thinking is something I enjoy the most. It makes me feel alive.

This word. This single word gave me energy to connect myself with loved ones and analyse how I assess my relationships with them. I have always told my family, my closest friends and relatives how ‘I carry them in my heart’ [quoting e. e. Cummings] meaning geography, time and space, hardly matters to me.

So, I hardly feel lonely. I always feel that wherever they are, how far physically they might be, emotionally they are always with me. And, I am with them. This feeling of ‘being together’ keeps me strong and gives confidence to look forward in life.

While this idea of ‘togetherness’ might seem naïve and even in denial of reality to some, for me, it is the best way to deal with it. The reality or the truth of the life is that no one is going to be with you, forever. Nor you can be for them. Different situations and circumstances, choices, inevitable truths will take you away (physically) from your loved ones. But, does the separation, distance or death stops us from having the deepest emotional relationship with our loved ones? I doubt. When you are emotionally very close with someone time and space hardly seems to matter. Even death doesn't take away the feeling you have for the deceased one, does it?

We just get used to live without them, carrying our emotions that have converted themselves into fond memories, pining for them or pain at losing them. But, we always have them in our heart. We are always connected with them, emotionally.

This argument or idea or thought process is closer to me. I strongly believe in it. Maybe because I am an Aries. As an enthusiast of Astrology, I had read somewhere that Aries women are the ones who can live their life, happily, if they know that there is someone somewhere in the world whom they love or care about. For many, it might not feel very practical way to live life but I have realized with my little experience that emotions are all we need to have a happy life. The feeling of being connected to someone deep within the heart is what fulfils us and our life with happiness.

So, this is for Mizpah, the word, that speaks volumes on human emotions.   



Tuesday, January 27, 2015

for my friend.

Asmi,
You have taught me right.
taught me well.
Life is more,
than living.
That happiness,
is in giving.
That knowledge,
is in sharing.
My friend,
You have taught me well.
You have taught me right.

Thursday, January 22, 2015

BE A MAN!!!

...I ask him,
"How difficult is it to be a Man?"
in this society,
in this time.
he looks surprised,
unprepared.
I tell him,
"No, really?"
I am serious.
I wanna know.
is it difficult for you ?
to fit in the box
as it is for me...

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Where I belong?


One fine afternoon, over the tea sips, my friend Sunib declared us as a 'victimized generation'. "We fit nowhere," he sighed. I couldn't have agreed more.

Born in an isolated village called Rukum, brought up in Kathmandu - the capital city of Nepal; If not me who could have understood the feelings of 'not belonging'?

In my village, I was the first girl to go to school. When Maoist Revolution began I also became the first one to head for Kathmandu to continue my education. However, in Kathmandu, I became as helpless as a lost puppy. I couldn't understand the language, culture nor city life. No matter how much I tried to adjust, it just didn't feel like 'home'. They also saw the differences. I always became the 'village girl' – an outsider.

But, after a decade when I was finally able to visit my birthplace, I was treated more like a guest. I had forgotten most of my ethnic language, had no idea about the different beliefs and rituals. I felt like an outsider there as well.


I feel like I am standing on a junction: there is a nostalgic road to Rukum, comfort zone in Kathmandu and the road to Western World. I get scared and confused. But, granny's distant voice calls, 'I am saving your roots. Come back when you have explored the world to your heart's content.'  I embrace her voice.

[NOTE: it was written for a class assignment during my journalism Diploma in ACJ, Chennai in 2011]

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

not a home.



always,
always there was something
wrong.
something out of place
something unfitting
something unnatural.

the hugs were too tight
the kisses were not right
the smiles never reached the eyes
and
I was left.
always.
always to wonder
why? why?

then,
one day,
after a very long time
I checked my scars,
my bruises
my bitterness.
that were inflicted by him.
inflicted by me.

and, I understood.
whenever he opened his mouth
it was not the heart
but the brain.
that spoke the words.
the words.
that I heard with the heart.

He said what I wanted to hear.
I heard
what I wanted to hear.
I heard
what he wanted me to hear.

But, it was not his fault,
nor mine.
nor time.

he was 'the type' of a man
who saw the mirror in me.
I was not the mirror.
nor the door,
nor The Answer.
but, he was in search
for The Answer.

and,
I was in search of a place to call home
he was not my home.


[P.S this poem is highly influenced and inspired by Sarah Kay's "The Type".]

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

IN THE MEMORY OF YOU.



~~~ ~~~
    ~~~  

Let me stay in denial
For a little longer
Let me not say goodbye
Yet.
Let me hope
To hear you say
'K chha moti?'
On the other side of the phone.
Let me hope.
a little longer!!!

~~~ ~~~
    ~~~


The saddest part of the happier dream is that when you wake up, the reality becomes crueller. Dreams have a way of sowing desires and hopes in us. In this process the reality becomes a denial.

Denial is hard to live with.

And yet, dreams are the only link through which I can see myself connecting with you.

As, you left. So suddenly.

I felt cheated. I felt wronged. And everything felt unfair.

And I was angry, so angry, at everything, even at you.

*****

First time I saw you, you were just across the river, standing. I was trying to cross it, the more I tried the muddier and wilder the river became. I could not cross the river. You disappeared.
I woke up, I cried and I cursed at you for leaving so soon.

In another dream, we were in collage. I was sitting on the bench, reading something. You passed by with one girl. You had put your right hand on her shoulder, holding her and walking. You saw me, you smiled and winked with an expression that was closer to bragging about the beautiful companion.
I couldn't help wondering 'why?' when I woke up. And tears followed.

In other random dreams, I was in some sort of gathering. There were some of our common friends. I don't know why but I suddenly turned back and saw you. From crowd you were walking towards me, smiling. I was shocked and could do nothing but stare at you. Closer you came blurrier you became as my eyes were filling with tears.
'Sorry moti, it was just a joke!' you whispered, 'I am alive'.
I was so angry at you I started hitting you while happy tears fell freely.
I woke up sobbing, loudly. But, I was happy until the reality hit me. How much I wished that everything was just a joke as you had said.

Next time I saw you, you were waiting for me. I came out of my class and you came running. Linked your hand with me and we started walking side by side. I don't remember where we were heading and what you were saying. But, I was happy.
I woke up wishing it all to be true. My happiness of the dream didn't last long.

Today, again, I saw you. You were saying, it was a joke, again. But, this time, it was a joke made by your friend. I was so angry at her for playing such a heartless prank. But, everything was forgotten as I was happy to see you and to know that it had all been just a joke.
I woke up with the hope and a desire for this dream to be my reality.

***** 

These constant dreams I am having makes me realize that I am a weak person. It is hard for me to accept the reality and this keeps me in denial. I am finding reasons to cling on to you. Every time, like in my dreams, I will find another person to blame, another reason to deny, another reason to be happy even if it's only in dreams.
As per the five phases of grief, the acceptance seems to be very far. 'Let go' our friends keep on telling me. And, to tell the truth I am a selfish person. I do want to let go. But how? How do you do that when you are scared. 
And, I am very scared. Of what, is the question I ask, again and again. There is no answer that is convincing or satisfactory enough. It seems, until I find the answer, I think I will be in denial. But, how long? I ask myself.
My mind goes blank, heart feels empty and the fear slowly creeps inside me.
I give into fear.
Denial becomes my refuge.
And, Reality becomes further...cruller and cruller. 

Monday, February 3, 2014

fluttering tears.






"Ahh... this is the feeling of falling in love"

a thought came,
and my heart ached.


the happiness,
could only be expressed in tears.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

...








she cuts a lonely figure.

as her sun sets
and shadows disappear

she cuts a lonely figure.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

everything is temporary.

and while we are at it,
lets not forget
everything is temporary.

the genuine love that we receive
is not going to be there - forever!
if we are to discard it
with our arrogance
and indifference.

taking it for granted
leaving the loving one
with the scar
of humiliation
and disappointment.

stripped of dignity
and full of regret.

and lets not forget.
we are not that great.
we are not that perfect.

and everything is temporary.
but,
still, scars seem to last longer.

Monday, February 11, 2013

a make-up kit!




i need a make-up-kit.
for
when a gust of death-air blows
on my hair
and through my youth,
I want to be prepared
with a coral lips
and rosy cheeks.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Its Raining!!!! La..Lah...Lah...:)

Its raining...Its raining and its raining!


Ohhhh....so cool! This winter had passed without a drop of rain from the sky this year, claiming itself a title of 'driest winter ever!' but now with the start of Spring, rain God has finally given us what we all had been praying for! Thank God its raining...or may be it stopped now...not so sure but hey hey heyyyy....at least it rained....Now, for time being I am sure we will be able to breath in a fresh air and see some fresh greeneries around Kathmandu. Isn't that Cool, or what!


For few days the weather had been so gloomy and dusty, it was irritating everyone and had given headache (I mean literally!) to many of them. When I had left home for the usual, it was not so different from yesterdays. Whole day, I failed to notice anything extra-ordinary about weather than before (I was too busy teasing people around me...today, my hormone for teasing others was extra-active in the surface!). So, when I was out of Kantipur Publications heading for home this afternoon around 6:30, it was all windy and the sky was frighteningly dark but I felt so so happy...and I actually clapped and did the titanic-wing move right there, outside the gate. Then I saw the first lightening, it was so out-of-no-where I nearly had a stroke!


I called my brother Ajay to do shopping with me. I was constantly frightened by loud sound of thundering and of light traveling through the areas where there was load-shedding. So, when I found Ajay standing by the Kathmandu Mall I really felt releaved. But, as soon as we entered the Mall it started drizzling. When we finished our shopping it was raining pretty heavy...but we thought we should head for home as it was getting late. Now, as I am shivering with cold I am regreting the decision. The rain was so so chilling while driving in a motorcycle...On the way home, I saw people sheltering under trees and by the houses! All the black ditches on the typical Kathmandu road were filled with dirty water...when vehicles passed by those they made fountains of it...which was also one of the reason those walkers-by were all drenched from head to toe. Irritating part to say!

But, can you smell the soil, the mud, the Earth...the smell is so delightful and so so fresh...so good! I am happy...tomorrow it will not be a dusty and gloomy day!

Mushroom hunters

foraging mushrooms with my dad in Jhumlawang It was a good day. Sun and cloud were playing hide and seek creating a  komorebi  (sunbeam)effe...