Shadow and the Sun.

                                                                                PC: Gary Wornell

Tell me a story.

my dear shadow

Do you crave

for the sun

As much as I do for her?

And, when you do

do you know

Exactly,

how to print

the shape, the size

and the colour of your heart?

rain.

lately,
there has been constant rain
and
it tastes salty.

Let There Be Books!

This year, I wish it to be a year of book - meaning - a year of learning, a year of reading and a year of feeling good.

For that, I hope the bookshops will open even during Saturdays, even during public holidays. And soon, a bookshop which opens 24 hours.

Amen!

Also, this year will be about libraries. Different types of libraries. I will make a map of these libraries. And keep them closer to my heart.

These libraries could be personal, these libraries could be private. But, I will make it a habit of visiting them and keep a journal on them.

Amen!

More to it, I will join the Reading Groups, if there are any. If not, I will form a group where we discuss about books and more books.

Amen!

to the soldier. (II)

the sweaty warmth
on my naked back
wakes me up
satisfied but thirsty.

He has covered me like a blanket.

legs intertwined with mine
He has fixed himself as a question mark,
Exerting his muscles
Covering my edges
and spaces
Filling my depths 
and gorges.

His left hand holds me to his chest
as gentle as water bubble
cupping my breast.
But
The right hand fingers 
that 
traced the tip of my hair
to the tip of my toe nail

waking me to multiple wants
and desires
are now
balled up in a fist.

as if he is ready
(like a lion of Sahara)
To spring at any moment.

is it the sands our legs carried
that are spread like grains
on the creased and crinkled 
white canvas we are painted on

that puts him on guard?

Reminding him.
of the far far land
of sun and sand
of blood and sweat
of bomb and bullet.

I turn and face him.

I trace his scars and cuts.
they are everywhere.
on his lips.
on his chest.
on his feet.

I kiss each of them.

He sighs and smiles in his sleep
He turns and twists
fixes himself like a blanket over me.

Again.

But, his fingers don't relax.
As always.
He sleeps fitfully.

SEMICOLON

मृत्यु

के रे ?

म नै तिमी कहाँ आउनु पर्ने ?

तिमी म कहाँ आउँन मिल्दैन ?

यहाँ जीवन छ ।

यहाँ राती आकाशमा ताराहरु चम्किन्छन् ।

हँ ... म डरपोख रे ?

होइन ।

तिमीलाई झै उसले मलाई मन्त्रमुग्ध तुल्याउँछ ।

उसको रहस्यताले मलाई पनि लोभ्याउँछ ।

त्यसैले मलाई नाङ्गो तार छोऊँ–छोऊँ लाग्छ

छुरीले नसा रेटूँ– रेटूँ झै लाग्छ ।

एकपटक,

उसको पच्छौरीमा लुक्न छोजेकी थिएँ ।

आँखा चिम्लिसकेकी

हच्किएछु,

ब्युझिए ।

त्यहाँको चिसोपन मलाई मन परेन ।

अहँ ... अस्वीकारेको होइन ।

अन्तिम घडीलाई म स्वीकार्छु ।

तर अहिले म तयार छैन,

मलाई हिउँदको रापिलो घाम अझै पुगेको छैन 

आमाको काख अझै प्यारो लाग्छ

मलाई समुन्द्रका छाल हेर्नुछ ।

तिमीले त्यागेका हरेक पल जिउनु छ ।

अँ...हो ।

उसले मलाई अझै लोभ्याउँछ ।

कुनै समय नाङ्गा तार छुन नहिच्किचाएछु भने,

तिम्रो र मेरो भेट समयभन्दा पहिले हुनसक्छ ।।।

The FIRST.

‘the details’

do not ask me

my dear.

I did not feel

The breeze playing with my curls

Nor saw forming of komorebi on it.

I did not hear

Chaiwala filtering tea,

thak…thak…thak

just by the corner.

Nor smelt boiling of fresh milk coffee.

The barking of dogs

The tringgg…tringgg…tringgg

Of cycles passing by

Or, the screeching of wheels

Stopping by.

The knocking of heat waves

like a persistent little brother

peeking in my room.

The rolling of sweat drops

on my cleavage.

the stickiness

the saltiness

I did not feel.

Nor see.

Nor hear.

My dear,

I became

a deaf

a blind

to the world outside our periphery.

My eyes

were only touching your lips.

My hands

were busy picking up the words.

scared.

that they will scatter in the air

before reaching my ear.

My skin

rejoiced the caress

of your beautiful mind

and heart.

And,

It was first.

I lived that moment.

I was alive.

GOD and TIME

“I had only a little time left and I didn’t want to waste it on God.”

 Albert Camus

This quote was shared in twitter. It got me thinking.

I am not a religious person. I guess, declaring myself as a non-religious person has more to do with all the violence being done in the name of it. Could be a very surficial understanding but I am unable to go beyond that, as of yet.

Not being religious does not mean I am an atheist. I was raised to believe that there is some supernatural power beyond our realm. It is unfortunate that I have not been able to come out of that belief. I am ‘critical’ of it, here and there, but not trustworthy to call myself as a strong rationalist or ‘science person’.

There are possibilities of me being religious or an atheist, in the future. You never know. So, I am keeping my options open.

But, do I have enough time for this? Let’s say I have the life expectancy of 70. I am going to be 30 soon. So, when I turn these supposed years and passed years into days (25,550 – 10,950) the remaining days I have is 14,600. To make it closer for understanding; let’s convert these days into time which gives me 350,400 hours in total. Now, I sleep average of 7 hours a day which leaves me with lesser time - 248,200 hours. Doing daily humanly necessity stuffs will take at least 20% of it. That means I will have round about 200,000 hours. That is too less for all the things I want to do in my life.

I have to read THE books, read and re-read and re-re-read! Then, keep them in my personal library, safe from dust and insects. Share, if anyone would like to have a look or digest every words that is there to. Talk about all the highs and lows of the books with them. Get drunk on all the knowledge there is to.

I have to write about anything and everything. I have to write something on loving and being loved. I have to write on the sweaty romance, clumsy romance and gutsy romance. I have to write on loss, loneliness and sadness. The bravery, the courage and hope of the human hearts. And then, smell the piles and piles of freshly printed papers already piled on top of the yellowed ones with their own stories to tell.

I want to feel the heart beat fast when meeting the great, inspiring minds. 

I am yet to feel the urgency of pining for oxygen in my body while climbing mountains. I want to know the feeling of drinking deep dark coffee with chocolate while on top of that mountain.

I have to introduce myself to all the woods, by woods, I mean trees. Definitely trees!* I want to know their secret of life-cycle. 

I have to eat the foods that I farmed. The organic one!

I want to record the sounds of wind from all around the world and the space. I want to cross the purgatory and see the heaven, alive. I want to touch the sky, have long conversations with stars and date with moon, every night.

Most of all, I have to master the shamanism and bring peace to the world!

And, this is just the beginning. I have so many desires, aspirations and ambitions to fulfil in my life. How can mere 200,000 hours be enough? Seriously, when I have so short life with so much things that are yet to be done, whatever made you think I would waste it on God? Especially when everyone seems to be fighting over whose ‘imaginary friend’** is better than others.

NOTES

1.       * Taylor Mali

2.       ** Yashir Araphat