Wednesday, December 22, 2010


Part - One

When you called for me, I wanted to hold myself back. Walk very slowly towards you.
Let you wait and wait!
Then reach to 'our park' after you had alredy left!
As the cold shoulder you gave still hunts me!!
But I forget! And I find myself running to you. In that cold, chilly morning, I ran to you like I was saving myself from breaking apart.
I ran and ran!
You were there. Standing by the pole. You saw me running to you : Confused and out of breath!
You smile at my eagerness. You smile at my undying connection to you. You smile at me!
I stop. I stare at you! I wish to resist the pull. I want to run away as far as possible. As fast as I can.
Save myself from the guilt. Save myself from the hurt. Save myself from hurting others. But, I find myself running to you again. Smiling! Laughing! and Screaming as if my heart is about to explode with happiness.
Tears start rolling!
You open your arms to me.
I find myself in your arms again. After all these years, I am Sharing your warmth and Sharing your breath, again!
==================== ============= =================
When I see you, I lose my way. I question my morality.
You make me forget things I shouldn't, ever!
Yet, I forget and run to you. Like you are the thread of my life and I am hanging on it, always!
I must be crazy!
If not, then I must really be going crazy!!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010



Closer the van got, heavier the raindrops splattered on the windshields. Like every night the Van carrying me passed by her house. But, unlike other nights the feeling was empty. I knew, even if I knocked on the door, she won't be there.
She had said her goodbyes.
The realization hit me hard. It knocked me out of my breath. Tears wailed up. I couldn’t see properly. I wanted the driver to stop driving and let me out of it. I wanted rain to totally drench me.
I wanted to let my tears fall as free as they were trying to be...
That day, still shaken from the news, I was trying to come to terms with her decision. Shutting my eyes I tried remembering our days, those smiles, comfortable vibes and short sweet talks. But those memories were not clear.
They were just fragments!
Then, I had the usual reaction. Hair on my neck gave me the signal. I felt her presence. She sat right next to me on the cold slate.
"Of all people, it has to be you."
She said with her usual trademark teasing tone. It was not difficult for me to recognize that slight-husky voice of hers.
That tone, that voice was what had made me turn my head. It was our first day at college and that voice had instinctively made me look at her direction. Fair looking, with cool and playful attitude, from first glance I had liked her.
But, now things had changed to the level that it would never be the same. I got angry at her nearness; her casualness.
"Yeah, you took exact words out of my mind." I replied. I could feel the bitterness on my own tone. Not to my surprise, she gave hers' that famous loud laugh again.
"Why?" I asked. "The 'You' I knew was not like that!"
"But, you were not that much surprised!" she declared and turned the table, "Why is it? I wonder, is it because we share the similar secret? "
I knew what she was talking about. And I also knew that she was deliberately trying to change the subject. But, by now, I mean after spending more than 5 years in same classroom, she knows how stubborn I am. So, before I asked again, she shifted her weight and spoke.
"It was a moment's decision."
I said nothing.
I couldn't say anything, anyway.
My mind was blank.
She spoke again. This time, louder, "I have nothing more to say! Don't ask me anything, anymore about it."
I understood.
If I wouldn't, who else could?
My anger vanished in thin air. Just like that. I didn't know what to say. For the first time, she had made me loss at words. But, I had to speak something. I didn't know how much time we had. So, I just blurted out what came first in my mind.
"Did you know, I always found you cool and really loved seeing you? You used to make my day!"
'Oh, I didn't say that! So embarrassing!' my head talked back. But, surprisingly my heart felt some relief.
"Yeah, from the time we spent talking in bus. I remember," She said, "I think we understood each other since then."
She was silent, for sometime.
Then, there was a slight chuckle. After sometime, she took a deep breath and said, "Those were good days, good memories."
"Though subjects were usually stupid and scattered, talking with you was like therapy. That is why it was such a pleasant surprise when we ended up in same college again,' Shed added.
"But, I was not there when you actually needed me," I felt the stabbing pain in my chest, "Sorry!" I said.
"Not your fault."
"I am worried about you." I blurted again.
"Are you scared?" she asked
"Are you?" I barely managed to ask her back.
To which she replied, "A lil bit!"
Her voice didn't quiver like mine.
"I can't remember your face. Its all blur," I choked. Tears started falling freely.
"…I didn’t know you were such a cry-baby!" Then she was silent again. I bet if I could see her I would have seen tears falling from her eyes as well. In her every breath, I could hear her silent cry.
We stayed like that for how long, I have no idea. But, after my eyes were swollen and tears stopped she broke the silence.
"You know, we are somehow same," with composed and thoughtful voice she said, "It was fate! We were to meet, have this discussion."
"What you mean?" I didn't understand her.
"You know, it's like two-way therapy," she said with light tone.
"You are just a hallucination!" I declared.
"Yeah, you wish!" she laughed.
She was still laughing loud when all of a sudden, I heard her say, "My time is up!"
I could not feel her by my side.
With passing nanoseconds she was going further and further away from me. Her voice got more and more difficult to hear.
"Don't call me anymore, not that strongly," she was shouting now, "It will attract you too. With more force than you had experienced and ever imagined."
I didn't have time to reply nor think. I just started running towards her voice. My hands stretched.
"For me, some memories are too painful, I don't want to ever go through them again. So, don't call me or think of me so much that will drag me here again," by then, her voice was just a whisper.
"Goodbye!" her lingering voice had left me cold in there, staring at the sky with empty stretched hands.
Before I could answer her, she was already gone.
Her presence, I couldn’t feel it anymore…

Though I couldn't feel her presence, how could I not think about her? Every moment, my heart misses her and my mind starts searching for her.
Her decision has left the never-healing scar and has opened those old wounds. Those wounds mixed with her memories hunt me. And with that my nightmares come closer.
It's hard to escape; the urge is too strong for me to handle again.
The warning was too late!

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

रामदेव माथि, राष्ट्रपति तल

देवेन्द्र भट्टराई

यतिखेर सिंगो काठमाडौं सहर 'रामदेवमय' बनेको छ । नेता, राजनेता र उपनेताहरू रामदेवका आसनमा शरणागत छन् । कमरेड झलनाथदेखि कमरेड प्रचण्डसम्म र उपेन्द्र महतोदेखि रामचन्द्र पौडेलसम्म खुलामञ्चमा भेटिन थालेका छन् । अघिल्लो दिन राष्ट्रपति रामवरण यादव र भोलिपल्ट उपराष्ट्रपति परमानन्द झा 'शरणागत' बनेका देखिन्छन् । योग विज्ञानदेखि मनोविज्ञानसम्मका मन्त्रणाहरू लिनेको संख्या हजारौंबाट लाखौं पुगिसकेको छ । देशभित्र मात्रै होइन, अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय जगतमा फैलिएर बसेका २० लाखभन्दा बढी नेपालीका संरक्षक उपेन्द्र महतो पनि अहिले रामदेवका आसन अभ्यासमा मग्न छन् ।

रामदेवसँग जोडिएका यी दृश्यका माझ केही प्रत्यक्ष र केही परोक्ष सन्दर्भहरू भने निकै 'मन बिझाउने' रहे । अहिलेको राज्य संयन्त्रमा सर्वोपरि स्थानमा रहेका हाम्रा राष्ट्रपति रामवरण यादवले योगगुरु रामदेवलाई मञ्चको तलबाट विनित हुँदै अभिवादन गरेको दृश्य 'डिप्लोम्याटिक डिलिङ्ज'का अर्थमा निकै अनर्थकारी देखिन्थ्यो । पूर्वप्रधानमन्त्री एवं माओवादी अध्यक्ष प्रचण्डले खुलामञ्च पुगेर 'जनयुद्ध र रामदेव योग'माथि फ्युजन प्रवचन दिएको सन्दर्भ पनि अलौकिक सुनिन्थ्यो । रामदेवका सहयात्रु आचार्य बालकृष्णले 'विश्वमा पाइनेमध्ये ६७ प्रतिशत जडिबुटी नेपालमा छ, यसको उपयोग विश्वले गर्न सक्छ' भनिरहँदा ताली बजाउने नेपाली उद्यमी-व्यवसायीहरूको भीड पनि आफैंमा रमाइलो थियो । हाम्रो औषधीमूलो लगेर विश्वले त उपचार पाउला । तर नेपाल र नेपालीले के पाउँछन् ? यो जिज्ञासा राखिदिने कसले ?

फेरि अर्को दिन खबर आयो- धुलिखेलको ९० रोपनी जग्गामा रामदेव योगकेन्द्र सञ्चालन हुने । यही खबर छापिएका दिन सिनामंगलस्थित पाथिभरा आयुर्वेदिक अस्पतालमा पुगेका एक इन्जिनियरले सुनाए-रामदेवकै अभियानका लागि स्याङ्जा-पर्वतका हजारौं रोपनी जंगल खरिद्ने प्रक्रिया थालिएको छ । योगका नाममा खुलामञ्चमा शारीरिक अभ्यास र उपmीपाप्री गरिरहेका बेला हाम्रा जडिबुटी र वनस्पतिको बजार पनि एकैसाथ 'बाहिरिँदै' गइरहेको यो दुःखान्त स्थितिका बारे किन यहाँ कोही पनि बोलिरहेका छैनन् भन्ने जिज्ञासा आफैंमा अनौठो हुनसक्छ ।
वनस्पति विज्ञहरूका अनुसार, नेपालमा ११ हजारजति वनस्पति छन्, जसमध्ये २६ सय औषधीजन्य -मेडिसिनल प्लान्ट) हामीसँग छन् । सन् १९८८ मा उत्तर कोरिया र पmान्सका विज्ञहरूको एउटा समूहले गरेको अनुसन्धानमा २६ सय जातका नेपाली जडिबुटी र वनस्पतिको प्रचुर अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय बजार रहेको खुलाएको थियो । त्यसलगत्तै दक्षिण कोरियाली विज्ञको एउटा समूहले नेपाल आएर वनआलुका बारे अनुसन्धान गरेका थिए । उनीहरूले पूर्वी पहाडी जिल्ला इलाम पुगेर त्यहाँका किसानहरूलाई 'वनआलुको खेती गर्न सक्नुहुन्छ भने हामी सुरुमै एडभान्स रकम बुझाउँछौं' समेत भनेका थिए । गिठ्ठा, भ्याकुरजस्तै औषधीजन्य तत्त्व रहेको वनआलुमा १६ किसिमका 'इनर्जेटिक इलिमेन्ट' पाइने शोध पनि कोरियाली विज्ञ समूहले गरेको थियो ।

टेरोरा, गजो, मोदेक, लाङ्घाली, भुइँचम्पा, सहस्रमूल, बिजी, चितुजस्ता दुर्लभ जडिबुटी खोज्दै नेपाल आउनेहरू आज रामदेवमात्रै होइन, थुप्रै देवहरू छन् । नेपालमा मात्रै पाइने अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय महत्त्वको 'मुभिङ प्लान्ट' -नाच्ने वनस्पति) को शोध गर्नेहरू स्वदेशी होइन, विदेशी विज्ञहरू यहाँ छन् । हाम्रा जडिबुटी प्रशोधन केन्द्र र सिंहदरबार वैद्यखाना कहीं कतै सुस्ताइरहेका बेला डाबर र अन्य अन्तर्राष्ट्रिय कम्पनीहरू हिमाल-पहाड-तराईका वनपाखामा डुलिरहेको अवस्था छ । फेरि हाम्रो सरकारी संयन्त्र कस्तो छ भने उच्चकोटीको रसायन 'स्वर्णभष्म' तयार गर्ने क्रममा विगतमा सिंहदरबार वैद्यखानाले अख्तियारसम्म धाउनुपरेको थियो । विश्वकै एकमात्र देशमा र अझ हाम्रै हिमाली भेगमा मात्र पाइने 'ट्याक्सस बोगडा' -ढ्याङग्रे सल्लो) को जरैदेखि उखेलेर लगिएको प्रमाण बाहिर आइसकेको छ । क्यान्सरका लागि अचुक औषधी रहेको 'ट्याक्सस बोगडा'को जरा ताइवानको राजधानी ताइपेइमा पाइएको समाचार धेरैअघि सार्वजनिक भइसकेको छ ।
रामदेव र उनका शिष्यहरूले 'नेपाल जडिबुटीको खानी' भनेर बोलेपछि ताली बजाउन अग्रसर हुने नेपाली नेता, राजनेता, उद्यमी र व्यवसायीहरू अहिले रामदेवमा शरणागत छन् । शरीर विज्ञानमात्रै होइन, सरकार बनाउनेदेखि ढाल्नेसम्मको अचुक उपाय 'रामदेव' हुन् भनेझैं गरी अनेक आसनमा आज्ञाकारी बालकझैं खुलामञ्चमा लम्पसार पर्नेहरूको दृश्य आफैंमा रमितलाग्दो छ । अहिलेसम्म जम्मा २२ प्रतिशत नेपालीमात्रै आयुर्वेद उपचारमा निर्भर रहेको तथ्यांकका सामु नेता-राजनेताहरूले 'पहिले आफूलाई चिन्नु' जरुरी छ । हामी नजानिँदोगरी कसरी परनिर्भर र अस्तित्वहीन बन्दै गइरहेका छौं भन्ने दृष्टान्त खोज्न धुलिखेलमा खुल्नलागेको योगकेन्द्र अथवा स्याङ्जा-पर्वतका पहाडी पाखामा अहिल्यै पुगे हुन्छ, जहाँ छिर्न अब केही महिनापछि हामी आफैंले 'पूर्वअनुमति' लिनुपर्ने हुनसक्छ ।

सिंहदरबार वैद्यखाना आज के छ, के गर्दैछ ? जडिबुटी प्रशोधन केन्द्र राजनीतिक भागबन्डाका महाप्रबन्धकलाई स्वागत अथवा विदाइ गर्न र 'सन्चो' निकाल्नबाट कति अघि बढेको छ ? यहाँ रामदेवको योगाको मात्रै कुरा छैन, हाम्रो जडिबुटी, वनस्पति, वनजंगल र अस्तित्वको पनि कुरा जोडिएको छ भनेर योगामा धाउने प्रधानमन्त्री माधवकुमार नेपालले कति बुझेका होलान् ? मधेसलाई छुने चुरे भेग र यहाँको माटो, बालुवा, ढुंगा जोगाउन मन-वचन-कर्मले लागिपर्नुभएका महामहिम राष्ट्रपतिलाई हामीकहाँ पाइने ११ हजार प्रकारका जडिबुटीबारे कत्तिको चासो र चिन्ता छ ?
हो, यो रामदेवको योगाभन्दा पनि हाम्रो अस्तित्वको कुरा हो । राज्यक्रान्तिका बेला इरानबाट देश छाडेर इजिप्ट, मोरक्को, बहमास र अन्य मुलुकमा बास खोज्दै हिँडेका पूर्वराजा मोहम्मद रेजा शाह पहल्वीले भनेका रहेछन्- 'जतिबेला म इरानमा थिएँ, त्यसबेला मैले आफ्नो देशलाई बुझ्न सकिन । अहिले मैले मेरो देश राम्ररी बुझेको छु । तर म इरानमा छैन ।' आशा गरौं, हामीले यो हदको पराकाष्ठा व्यहोर्नु नपरोस् ।