2005
It started…I don’t know when and how. It just started…My heart leaped up at a glance of him. When they saw him walking across our college, most students (specially girls) could not help but notice him. He was tall and lanky with Aryan look; he had beautiful black eyes just perfect on his fair complexion. His wet-silky black hair flipped back above his forehead and his eyebrows always cocked upward when he was in deep conversation with teachers, friends and everybody. He was tender, thoughtful, charming and profound. And one thing he never forgot to carry with him…
SMILE. It was breathtaking.
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhzxnyyGFy9VTvbQ7ShQB__A1XkfiiktgFTwntZ9KQhkipRPvX49CjPKP6-bUETCM6Dpe2K6LiDz4_vwq2oCtiq_J6OMGXuwz_UhIRKYmiLBXwBU5UI1l9QvBZzTmA8EQrUZvHoIP7dfbg/s320/fan2042905.jpg)
------ I was scared of him. -------
I used to sit at the second front bench in classroom with my best friend Poo who sat next-left to me. One day I told her about my strange feelings for him and showed him to her. She looked at me with her loving eyes and teasing smile. From that day on, whenever he used to pass by us we looked at each other and giggle. Sometimes when only one of us saw him passing by we’d slightly give a push or pinch to another and we ‘d both look (pretending not) at him till he disappeared from our sight. Then we’d look at each other and give a sigh with smile. After sometime you could hear our giggly laughter again.
He scared me because he was a real heartthrob and brilliant. When I used to see him I don’t know what used to happen to me that my heart used to beat so fast and loud that I could feel my chest jumping and hear the every beat of my heart clearly. Once I was heading for my class when I suddenly found myself FACE TO FACE with him. My heart stopped. I don’t remember what I did but he stared me which I can say ‘a long stare’ then gave me a loving smile and walked away. I didn’t dare to look back at him. I stood there like a statue; I don’t know for how long. Later I was sitting in my class…still trembling with red-hot face.
I was an ambitious teenage girl. I had my own goal, own destiny and a dream to fulfill. And…and that was the reason why I was scared of him. My feelings for him was beyond friendship…and I was afraid thinking those feelings may mislead me and stop me from what I wanted to be. So, I suppressed my emotions that were for him…just for him. When I ignored them I felt enough pain in my heart. I used to burst in tears as it was so hard to control and the pain was unbearable. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. Anyway, I managed to go on for my ambition ignoring my emotions for him. But my eyes never stopped searching for just a glance of him.
Seven months after I had met him, he left college as he had completed his course. And I…I had to stay one more year to complete my course. –He was one batch senior than me. – Again, I went through the same emotional pain. Only the difference was that this one was more stronger and more painful than previous one.
Now, I’ve achieved my dreams and I am ready for the warm relationship with him and I suddenly realize that he has gone too far for me to reach. I have lost him. But still my eyes are searching for a glance of him in every crowd that passes by me or I pass by and my heart is beating for a warm nearness of him.
I wonder if he ever knew about it…
In closing, I’d like to offer you words from Barbara De Angelis. She wrote, “ You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” If only I had told him that I loved him; he could have been standing on my side and I could have got everything I wished for because I would have the greatest boon of world - “His Love”.
In closing, I’d like to offer you words from Barbara De Angelis. She wrote, “ You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back.” If only I had told him that I loved him; he could have been standing on my side and I could have got everything I wished for because I would have the greatest boon of world - “His Love”.
14 comments:
Hm...this is amazing! I still wonder weather this is ur real life experiance or just a story unwritten.
You have wooven the nice words to match ur feelings. Your words are directly from your cool heart. Your direction is as straight as reality. Hope this is ur life experiance as most of people have same. Who is that HIM??? hahaha nice suspense...
Keep it up
Hmmm Sweeta... I remember this article very welll... So nice you have kept it sooo safely... I loved this article then, and loved it reading all over again!! Sort of took me back to those days when we sat together, always, giggling, pinching each other... hehehe... the moral of the story is cool!!
Thanks Nar Kumar for the comment...haha...though dramatic this incident somehow is based on reality...you know giggling with my friends and pinchin geachother..that kind of stuff! Others...i am imaginative in some way so lets put it...I created the situation and character!
and hey Poo...you forgot to tell onething...remember, I used to sleep all the time in the class and you used to shake me now and then...just to make me aware of the teacher's approach!
Miss those days!
cute
Nice finction. I liked the way of presentation.
And, how about finding some reality in this story?
"Khoje deuta bhettinchha" bhanchan. Tyo ta manche ta hola.
Go ahead. All the best!
Hello,
I am Shirish, a reporter at the Kathmandu Post, and am doing a feature for the Saturday special on Blogging. The piece will come on 29th August, 09. I read your blog, and I was wondering if you could be so kind as to answer some of my queries. I cannot guarantee that you will be quoted, but your help will definitely let the readers know more of blogging in Nepal.
You may answer all, or any question you feel like answering. You may provide any extra information, and your name, real or an ID, but must understand that you may be quoted by the Post. Please mail your answers to shirishp@wlink.com.np
What is your occupation?
What age group do you think you fall in: <16, 16-31, 31-49, 49-65, above 65?
Why do you blog?
When did you start blogging from? Why?
What makes you keep blogging, without any strong incentive?
How many bloggers do you think are there in Nepal?
Do you regularly read other bloggers? How many, and how many are Nepali?
Do you believe that a blog can really make a difference? If yes, How?
I hope the questions are not too bothersome.
Happy Writing!
-Shirish
To....
"公車 said...
I love readding, and thanks for your artical........................................."
====
thank you so much for your comment. I am grateful!!!
Hey Smita!
Nice to c this article! "Love Unexpressed". It gave a pace in my heart. I still remember that day, when u gave me a copy of this article. Gud Luck!
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